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An Anonymous user had shared this touchy story online how he was exposed at a tender age to sexual activities by his cousin,he feels less of himself now that he is of age due to the effect the action.Most people have encounter something like this but can’t share.Read Also: ‘I Cheated On My Wife And I Have No Regrets’ – Man Narrates(Read Full Details)
Warning : Incest !!!
I am fed up with myself. It is a long confession but I cant share it with anyone else. I live in a joint family in a town of Maharshtra, India and things which ruined my life are,
At age of 6, my elder cousin sister A, aged 14 that time used to play “Ghar-Ghar” with me. All she did in the name of playing was to undress me and her completely and used to lie over me and rub her body against mine. Later, two more elder cousin sisters B&C, B was 13 and C was 10 joined us. We did it daily for 2 months during our summer vacation. I didnt understand what they are doing to me but it felt good to be with them. I felt loved.
It stopped after that vacation.
When I was 8, a girl who used to help my mother in household chores aged 16, asked me to lick and suck her breast and she bit my lips.
I was exposed to all these things at very young age and all my childhood innocence fed away. I used to fantasize cuddling, kissing and naked bodies of my sister’s friends, school senior girls, female teachers who used to love me as I was a cute kid. All this was at the age of 11–12. I didn’t use to see my cousin sisters as sisters anymore due to childhood experiences, given that I am a Hindu.
When I turned 13, the cousin C who used to sleep naked with me, now ageing 17 started to give me hints, like to sneak in the same blanket as of mine, lying next to me while watching a movie and caressing my back etc. I was lured by her signals and we ended up sleeping naked again. We didnt have sex but did kissing, pressing her breasts, she used to caress my body. We didnt use to talk while doing this and neither we used to discuss it or plan it. Things use to led one to other and we used to do it. It continued for 2 more years. It stopped because one of our younger cousin saw us and complained to her mother who was close to C. She put all the blame over me. Luckily things didnt turn out to be ugly and all that drama stopped.
I was later introduced to the porn and erotic literature on internet. Again I found incest sex with cousins very interesting, may be due to my childhood experiences.
At age of 19, I was travelling in public bus. It was overnight bus. A girl ageing in her early 20s sat beside me. After 1–2 hrs, my leg touched her legs accidently. But I didnt take them back. Later I rubbed my feet against her. Yes I could be accused of molestation that day. But that girl reciprocated my actions. She rubbed her legs against mine and gave me a smile. We put a jacket over ourselves and gave eachother a pleasurable time.
Today I am 24, I don’t think any of my cousin sister as sister anymore. I have had 3 girlfriends and had sex with 2 of them. I had some casual flings with seniors, friends, neighborhood girls. My sex drive has became very strong. I m horny 24×7. Every girl or woman I see, I imagine them naked once. I consider myself a threat to society. I dont think bad about my sister or mother. I love them and respect them very much. But since I am very bad with other women and an ugly creature, I don’t talk much to them too. I cant face them. I keep them distant from me.
I am ashamed of what I have become. Why the hell I was exposed to the sex at that young age? Why the hell this sex exists? Also I am sexually attracted towards a cousin of mine who is 2 years elder than me. We have been very close since our childhood. I know this is wrong and this is why I am not making any attempt to do anything with her. I don’t wanna spoil our relationship. I use to think bad things about her like how fat she is, her stretch marks, her rude behaviour, so that I can distract myself but attraction is very strong and I can’t help myself with this. I keep myself away from her.
Recently Cousin C pinged me on whatsapp. We talked for some time. I was furious over her. I asked about why she did all those things with me when I was young. To which her reply totally shocked me. She said that she was not responsible for what happened. She blamed me for all those things and said she never enjoyed or wanted that. I did bad with her. I was like, I was 13, new to these things..she was 17 at that time. She knew each and everything. What is wrong what is right. She could have slapped me.
I dont know what I have became now. I am potential threat to society and girls around me. I see them as sex objects. My experiences taught me that all they want is sex or a man touch. I know I am wrong and I am really ashamed of what I am today. How my mind developed. I want to get rid of this. I want to be normal.
Edit : Cousin A is married now and has 2 kids. Cousin B didn’t do anything after that. She behaved normally so do I.
Those who are saying that this is perfectly normal. I want to tell them that I don’t feel it normal. After that bus incident, whenever a girl or woman stands or sit close to me. I feel an urge to touch them. Some of them reciprocate me ans some dont react but none of them stopped me or opposed me till now. A molester developed inside me due to this.
And second concern of mine is my increasing sexual attraction towards my cousin. It has been increasing since I was 16. I cant help to stop thinking about her. I have this desire of having her.
This is not normal. I am mentally ill I guess but I do enjoy these things and feel guilty after that. I have been enjoying lot of female attention due to my looks and physique. This is both boon and bane for me. But I want to get rid of these thoughts and this kind of personality. Since I started to hate myself and all the credit of my sex addiction goes to my cousin sisters.