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The biggest secret was I realized he has penile dysfunctional disorder and he was incapable of having kids. Honestly, I am upset about this, as I had always dream about making love and having kids after marriage.Below this post is link to Male Extra
He was facing this problem which he knew before marriage, but chose to keep it a secret. Since marriage till the day I decided to end our marriage, we never slept in the same room or even consummate.
He had serious sleep apnea and he would snore so loudly continuously that affects my quality of sleep. I am a born light sleeper. So we slept in seperate rooms all the time.
Many of my friends or people who know me thought I had a good marriage, but little did they know (even my parents) that I was suffering in silence and I wanted out of marriage. Was there love before marriage? Honestly, I didnt wanted to marry him, I even ran away from marriage 1 day before but was stopped by my mummy. She kept convincing me to stay saying he is a good person and ill be happy. But she was wrong. I never was till I divorced him.
Obviously, after all these, my marriage didnt work out and I gave up after realising I lived in a lie and suffer from all the 1 IUIs, 5 SO-IUIs and 8 IVFs operations within the 3 years of marriage. During the three years, I had 2 miscarriages and countless encounters of failing to get pregnant. The doctor somewhat concluded that it might be due to the nature of my egg. And she went on saying that I might have to get a donor egg or adopt a kid. I was not opposed to the idea as seriously after trying for 2 and a half years with close to 13 pills to rat everyday and endless needles to poke through my tummy. Many a times, I felt dizzy due to the side effects of the medications but still pushed myself to continue working. Had to constantly skip certain times of the day just to check my hormone levels, etc. I really had it!! The only thing that he did was to pay for most of the medical bills. But never once he consoled me or stay through with me when I was injecting myself with 4–5 syringe of medications into my tummy for close to a week daily (every IVF).
Sometimes, I feel that my life is a joke and why did I get myself into such a marriage.
Anyway, the story did not end here. Due to all these emotional pressure, I confided into a working colleague and he showered me with care and concern. Honestly, he is also the wrong person to trust. You will know why when im done with my story.
He listened to my sorrows and consoled me regularly. After sometime, he confessed he has feelings for me. Actually, I did too. But, the issue here is he is married. He said he has lost his love for his wife and is staying in the marriage because of his two sons. This is not the first time he cheated on his wife this way. He added that he has plans of leaving his family when his kids are grown up etc.
Day by day, I bought in to his lies and story. Till one day he told me why not me and him try for a kid. I was in disbelief. For especially one reason, I am labelled by my previous doctor that I have problems and he said that his wife would let him go if we both had a kid. I was so convinced but probably emotionally moved that OMG.. I can have a kid and someone to love and cherish me. BUT… I was soooo wrong. Yes.. weirdly.. I got pregnant naturally for some reason only God knows.. but he left me on my own and didnt leave his family for me or my baby. He instead told me.. my wife is innocent and I didnt think for his kids.
You cannot imagine how much I went through on my own. My first baby.. my first pregnancy. He did come and viait on the first day of delivery for 45mins. But he never offered to pay for anything or even planned anything for us. Instead I heard he planned a family trip to Dubai and HongKong with his family.
Yes, now is just baby and me. I feel so useless and sad. I always wanted a whole family with baby, being a mum and my apouse being the dad of my kid. But now, I cant imagine where can I find my kid a father and I feel lost and disgusted with myself and also him for making a choice like this.
Nevertheless, I will treasure my kid as I am shocked I got pregant the natural way just 1 time. But disgusted that I am left stranded by that person who said will look after together with me but failed to fulfil his promise though telling me how things are at home for him. But, I learnt my lesson hard.
I just pray that I can be strong and emotionally healthy. So back to the question, I realized I chose the wrong man to marry and also the wrong man to have kids with.